Awakening

My mom and I just got done watching a movie called, Three Years Ago. Really good show its on Netflix, you should go watch it.

It got me thinking, everything happens for a reason. 

I used to have the biggest crush on this kid at my school. I kept thinking to my self what did I do wrong? What does she have that I don't?

You know what she has everything I don't. She is meant for him, I'm not. 

Today I got really depressed and started telling Jake everything that was wrong for some reason. It got me thinking. Yes, I'm single this valentines day, but that's okay.

I don't need him (The one for me) right now. I may want him (Not the guy from school) right now but no I don't need him. I don't want him handed to me on a silver platter. You come to appreciate things you work for. I believe he will be there when I need him. Do I know who he is? Hell no. 

I see all the couples and I am envious. I want what they have. I don't want to be that one weird kid who sticks out because of that. I have come to realize, that's okay. 

Yes, I am too loud. too obnoxious, but its a daily struggle for me. I like to be a happy person and sometimes I just show it the wrong way. I hear people all the time say "You can't expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself first." or something like that. That is true though. That's one of the reasons he is not here. I don't love myself. I have all these things I want to change because this society tells me I need to. 

No, I don't need to change I just need to learn how to put a mask on it. I can be as happy as I want, I just have to do it at the right time. 

I don't NEED him right now, I just WANT him right now and that's okay. I accept that I may not have him for a couple more years. I can wait. 

I like to think everything happens for a reason.